Freaky Shirleen Is Here

So would anyone be waiting for me in my life?

I know my family would not be the one as they only care about themselves.

For me i do not know if i am still important to this world anymore.

Empty is the word to describe what i am feeling now.

No matter how i want to be happy just for a while only my heart and mind is always there saying i am not.

My mind want me to forget what is bad but my heart do not allow.

Would it be better if i was dead or not even born.

Would my family be better or my friends will?

I do not know which is right and wrong to do now.

I want to die like what my heart say but my mind is telling me it is silly to do so.

Why do we have heart and mind i wish they are the same thing so that i would not have two choices.

Today very stress… For tomorrow more stress… Thurs stress too… Fri stress also…

Every seem to have test which is so stress just wish i’m not in express i would rather but in nt…

But that would not happen anyway…

Anyway i being moody today i was upset because my friend almost left me behind… *sigh* which i am so sad and show it out but i told my friend i was just tired which is not…. But they believe so i would not say much as i am the one who is hding it from them…

Emo today and i have to do a lot of homework and my chinese i must do or else teacher is going to call mum and i will be dead meat… *sigh*

So until here… :)

Ok so today i was bored and happy…

Well a mix of a lot of emotion today…

So i’m happy with what i have now so i’m not going to say much about it plus i still owe 3 friends birthday present… *sigh*

No sure if i’m able to save enough to buy for all…

But i just have to save a lot for now and don’t waste any more money on food already!!! T.T

So until here… :D

My mood now is like a staircase in the middle of it is me standing there do not know which way to go…

For example my friends i’m stuck in the middle of it….. Which is so not good at all……

Another my family…… I’m the youngest but people always say youngest the best well for not at all for me… Being annoyed ,unnoticed and bully by your both sibling is not a very good thing at all…… My friends wish to be me while i wish to be her because she is the only child……

You all may say that is just what i think of but i know i’m just being too immature for family part and for friends i’m just do not have my own decision…….

Well i’m just too confused and blur about that…… I might not be the brightest person but at least i know i’m still fortunate as there is still more unfortunate people in the world……

Also i have a blog but i just wish to write on something that my firends would not know as i do not know who to talk to and i do not want them to know what i felt…… Even if i can just hide from them for a few months or more i’m happy as i do not want them to worry about me or start to hate me……